Very few of you know the itsy bitsy tales of my terrible life. I cannot sit here and make you read each and every tale in detail because it’s not gonna finish in one go. Everyone has to face bad times at some point of life. But, I am among the ones who can only get break on the death bed. In my case, literally I even survived death many times medically and got the miracle tag. Haha!
Alright, so I can only write short lines for now.
I faced horrible days outside. I have faced unbearable times even with family.
I had been taking care of my mother’s mental health since childhood. I have father and sister who did not take care of her in this case. Rather they triggered the symptoms.
Somehow my family was always cursed with back to back big problems and my sister was never present during bad times. But, she was present sometimes when the reason for bad times was and is itself her.
So, I have single handedly managed all kinds of circumstances. I never knew being strong and brave all time can be a disaster for health. Yes, once in a while being brave is ok but I put the crown of brave so many times that my health was and is affected in a multiple ways.
I never rested even during my sickness I had always been managing crisis.
The best support my family gave during all the worst times was The Fight.
They fight all the time. They make sure the atmosphere is negative and I am hurt the most in the process of physical and mental handling of every tiny to big situations.
To go on, recently I did lot of care for my brother in law but he humiliated me in public in a bad way.
Some of my few friends know the story and I am happy to have the mental support from my friends.
It’s a covid 19 era.
My father 65 year old goes to the office and to the market. He does not follow the rules properly. My brother in law had daily on top of his voice said his family will get corona because of dad.
My brother in law did not follow rules that’s ok but saying bad thing about father in law is allowed in his dictonary.
To move on, I kept on telling my dad the rules of protecting himself but he did not listen to me.
My mother also did the same. As usual he took us in a wrong way.
Today he ate food in office which did not come from a good hotel. He goes to containment zones and does not take any precautions.
So, me and mom decided to talk with him for his own health sake and others. My mother insisted him to leave job and stay home. She says this thing daily. I started telling how to handle the mask and how people manage things who go for work daily. My mother tried to tell him but he took us in negative way. So as my father hates us , my mother also got emotionally hurt and the arguments started. So, I calm them down. I told him calmly the ways of managing masks. I told him how doctors managed it with their family during lockdown and still continue to do it. I told him how people who started working are managing in their family. I told him how both parents who work have to follow the rules at home. Then I said he has heart problem and he is 65 year old , he will catch it easily. Every 2 lines I reminded him we are not fighting. We care for you, we are taking care of you. Please don’t take us wrong. Right now at home, it’s me with health issues, my mother with leg and hand injury and I am taking her hospital every 3 days. My sister with 2 babies.
I told him if you or me get it, we can adjust anywhere. Whether we are kept in hospital,lodge or anywhere good or bad, we can manage. But, mom cannot. Reason I am the only care taker/giver for her. Even in hospitals doctors allow me to take care of her along with nurses. She is mentally and physically dependent on me. If sister gets it, she will be separated from babies. If babies get it , then don’t know what can happen. If anything bad happens or even if sis or babies recover , then brother in law will do more harsh things to us. . The society already hates us because brother in law said about me that I have corona virus . He said it as a joke which is a bad joke and society thought I am hiding it and I had to face the later consequences. If we get it even if we recover , the society will not accept us. Sadly, we are living in a weird society.
I requested my dad, “ If you think we are really in a bad financial condition then sell whatever we have. Let’s live a basic life. “
He asked us to him give 4 days time to finish off office work. We agreed. So he banged door of bedroom then after a while he called my sis to give him all his stuff. He did not talk to my mom or me. My mom asked for what reason, she can help too. He banged door. After a while , he comes out and takes his stuff from other room. My mother goes and says we care for you. He said I know what kind of care you guys give. As we keep telling him, we really care for you stop taking us in wrong way. I used to go for grocery store. Now I go once in a while . Reason dad himself stubborn to go. It’s his obsession to go market. I still go to grocery . I told him henceforth don’t go to market again. Because it is spreading fast. I will do all the things. He said ok fine just give me 4 days to work ( in his anger tone). I said I am not arguing. We care for you saying it 100 times. Please even in dying condition I will get grocery. I will do all your work. I had been doing it for ages. I am saying it as care. He said,” yes you say you will die to take care . I know your intention. You think you are perfect and things will be perfect. I am leaving this house after 4 days. He started packing bags.”
My mom lost patience started on that this girl cared for you all the time so stop disrespecting atleast now. My father thought I want money and properties. I want him to die to get things from him. My sister never took care of him. Other side of story friends know what sister has done but then she is the best. My father said I am the bad daughter and I torture him. I am killing him. My father many times said this in front of outsiders, that I will keep him Aashram/Orphan. I will kick him outside house. Yet I continued taking care of him. There are times I saved my father’s life but father thinks I am going to kill him for money. I could have run away with money long back but I never took such step. Plenty of things done wrong by him . No, I am not living a luxurious life. I tried to leave house now, but my mother did not because she needs me for tomorrow’s hospital visit. As no one else ready to take her responsibility ever.
He is equally responsible to ruin my life and I stand by him. (My mistake)
When I admitted in hospital and saved him, I should not have done that?
He had done certain wrong things with me, why did not I run away?
He had full time care taker(me) but then he hates me.
A maid is treated well in many houses but I am not.
Tonight, I realize THE BIGGEST CRIME IS TAKING CARE OF OTHERS.
We cannot expect everyone to be wise during the Pandemic for sure.
Sometimes writing such things in the blog post is a place to vent.