Through this real story, you will understand why OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder) cannot be treated as a JOKE for everyone.
Introducing my mother who has two types of OCD.
Neither she takes the treatment nor do my family agree to give her treatment. My father and sister never agreed to give her treatment. Over years, I tried convincing her parents and siblings, even they denied giving any help .No one in my family agreed to opt for her treatment because they thought what will society say if they come to know about her. On another hand, her behavior became a problem for the society itself and yet father and sister did not wanted to take any responsibility. I once went with her to a doctor wherein she did not know her mental check up will also be done. We went for mild health check up and doctor said she does have mental disorders.
In the OCD series, I will not talk about her other mental disorders.
I will explain the experiences of living with a OCD person . In what way, people living with OCD person as well as the OCD person should take the responsibility of curing. Additionally, this is not only a single person OCD symptoms. There are many people out there who seem to have similar behaviour.
The Normal Day:
1] Where ever we stay: a bungalow or an apartment, the front yard of the house or the front passage of the flat needs to be cleaned daily. Even if the place is already cleaned, sweepping then mopping is done early morning around 6a.m. or prior to it. The doors are again cleaned with dry and wet clothes. Throughout the day: if anyone visits home, we go outside and come back, any random person walking in the passage or a courier person or any one else steps in the front passage, then those many times the front yard is cleaned. At the end of day, again in evening the sweeping is done compulsory.
She does not do it all alone always. Sometimes she does it by herself and sometimes she orders me to do it. We cannot avoid this task. Because the consequences of ignoring her orders are not good. She can get very emotional and hurt. She may get violent and have a heated conversation with all the bad words. This simple thing can change into one of the bad days.
One needs to know how to behave with a patient. Although people don’t really use the word patient for the person who has OCD. It is important for everyone to understand the person with any mental disorder and behave with them carefully.
This is the difference between a normal person reaction and the OCD person. The motive is to achieve their task of cleaning and if it undone then it does not give them a peace of mind.
The pattern of doing such an unnecessary task every day without fail can become an obstacle in other work or for other family members.
It may sound a simple thing but when put into an action 365 days for more than decades, that would mean wasting time.
Cleaning front passage is acceptable :
When it is dirty.
When there is any occasion and you want everything to look fresh.
Once in a day . At the most, twice a day.
Anything that goes beyond limit, needs an attention.
The OCD patient should learn the methods of listening to others especially the ones who love you.
Other people should not take the pattern of OCD person lightly. The earlier the treatment or counselling to change the daily habits, the easier it is to live the life for all.
Only one point  of Normal Day has been discussed in this chapter. The next points describing Normal Day will be added in the next chapter.
Any kind of relationship requires communication. Be it personal(family,friends) or professional life, everything depends on the communication path.
Without communication, one cannot express the right emotion. A gap of communication leads to misunderstandings. Without communication, relationship become weaker.
The quote, “Ignorance is a bliss” cannot be applied everywhere.
If we ignore someone’s care and someone’s emotions, then the bridge of communication will eventually disappear.
In other words, listening to other person and interacting with them, will raise the value for each other. The one who fails to build the relations through genuine efforts will not get enough respect from others.
Some of us fail to express emotions to others. While we are good at listening to others, we shall also make an effort to express ourselves well.
Remember, no relationship can ever work out in one way. The definition of relationship involves two or more people. Hence, it is always expected to have things balanced in both the ways. One person cannot balance the relationship forever. When someone tries to balance the relation all alone, then the relationship does not last longer.
Ego is of-course considered as an enemy in all the relations. Set aside your egoism and apologize whenever it is necessary. Never disrespect others and don’t lose your self -respect while managing any kinda relationship. Not to forget, communication is only possible when there is a real-understanding between relationships.
Do you know why do we feel connected to music?
We hear it. We listen to it consciously. Thus, we feel it. Music is a form of communication that spreads peace and truth.
This heavy weight title immerses one into a wide range of imaginations and experiences. An unendurable pain, that one waits to be freed for a long time.
Is the experience of torture counted based on the amount of time one goes through it?
A torture can vary from few minutes to a lifelong depending on the experiences.
Why being tortured is the worst thing that can happen to anyone?
Once the person is free from torture, can they live a better life again?
How is the post – torture life? In what manner , the two words : Torture and Trauma are inter-related?
Any kind of tortured life occurs between two persons or between a person and a surrounding environment. Most of the times, it is observable that the person who tortures someone is enjoying the moment of seeing that person in a trouble. Torture is a form of abuse. On another hand, some people without moral ethics or the ones without good mentality tend to torture others unknowingly. The chances of a victim escaping are less from the people who do not accept their heart-breaking actions. Apart from these contexts, there is another set of people who can easily feel tortured by anyone. Sensitive people can misunderstand other’s actions without logic. It is possible for them to feel tortured in their life for the things that may not even run in other people’s mind.
A trauma affects the people after particular events. Whereas a torture can be one time or a recurring action experienced by the victim. Depending on the level of tortures and its effects on the person, the life changes. Some people may begin to love a new life after taking certain treatments. One may move to another place and restart life. It is not possible for many people to live a life normally again. A consistent tortured life affects the person mentally and physically. Even a stronger person can slowly change into a weak person. Over a period of time, it won’t be possible for the brain to have a control over emotions despite of having a stronger personality.
The common symptoms that a victim goes through are:
(Note : The symptoms may vary depending on the person)
1]Heart- beat pounds
3] Unreasonable anxiety
4] Unreasonable fear
5] Triggers to phobias
6] Slight sound hallucinations
7] 24/7 Alert mind
9] Hormonal Imbalance
10] PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
11] Often Stressed
13] Sleep disturbances
14] A reduced memory grasping
15] Social withdrawal
16] Unstable Blood Pressure
The victim will lose an interacting skill. Few lose their confidence to speak with others. Some feel numb. While some victims lose interest to interact with anyone. They feel hopeless and hence, may fail to enjoy the good times. This makes them avoid social mingling. Sometimes, the person may like to meet others. But, during the meetings, anxiety can have the chances of turning in.
After moving to another place away from the tortures, the life cannot be all easy. It takes time to adjust to the new beginnings. The person feels depressed and anxious. The emotions will have confusions. Even if the place is a favorite and free from troubles, the past moments flashes in the mind. A victim can often hear the same sounds of the tormentors, especially ,if the tormentor is /are family member/s. Sometimes the tormentors are extremely dependent on the victim. Because of a prolonged dependency, even if the victim looks out for an independent life, in post traumatic period, the life seems to be unbalanced. Loneliness is the only best friend. The victim feels isolated in daily life. The things that made one happier before will no longer feel the same. Although at times, it is possible for the victim to be immensely happy for the little things.
Hearing any loud sound can make the heart pound. Since, the subconscious mind has stored enough of unpleasant memories, the person will have sleeping disorders. It is a sign of alert mind 24/7 . A psychological stress affects the health in a severe way. An exhausting mind stress develops hormonal imbalance and gut dysfunctions. This leads to a multiple chronic physical illness. Even if the person has the capability to live an independent life, a psychological effects develops unreasonable fears in the person’s mind. The subconscious absorbs the past events and shows the effects on emotions and physical health often. For this reason, an unpredictable sick times usually go un-diagnosed.
Medications can help the victim to stable the pressure levels, control the heart beats, reduce the anxiety, balance the hormones and thereby help with the physical sickness.
How can one help such victims?
Help to live separately from the tormentor.
Do not turn an blind eye to their sufferings.
LCH= Listen to their struggles, show Care but not sympathy and Help them to live a better life
As a victim, how can you help yourself?
Change your life routine.
Try to learn something new.
Keep yourself busy but don’t get stressed.
Find and follow/apply the methods to de-stress regularly.
No matter how low you feel, never miss a proper diet.
Ask for help, you may receive help from some corner
In severe cases, take medicines for mental health prescribed only by psychiatrist.
Believe yourself that the change is possible. Consider the past life as a different life chapter. Even though the past leaves effects in the present. Change is the only persistent . The more you think about changing your life and work towards it, things will eventually get better for you.
The real meaning of the word ‘Secret ‘ is something that is meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. How many of us really follow the actual meaning? In this chaos world, it is hard to find a bare soul.
I doubt about many keeping secrets as unknown or unseen but I am pretty sure, each one of us will hold some secret for the whole life. When I look around, I feel the world’s transparency is so beautiful as well as the questioning one.
We expect someone to unravel our secrets. It’s a human nature to have own secret but also share it with someone trustable. Not everyone takes an immense interest in listening to other’s secrets.
I say ,I am an open book. I also wear the mask like everyone else does. I am not good at lying as I can fake smiles all the time. Like many other people, I am broken into pieces from inside and out . Can everyone else see the broken image of mine? They can only see the fake smiles.
When I fail to smile, When I am out of words , my face turns expressionless, my quietness turns into darkness, & sometimes my bemused look allows people to judge me.
Angry, Boring, Rude, Saddest are the words I am tagged with.
I said ,I am an open book but seemingly not everyone can read it. I feel like screaming, I feel to thrash out everything off my mind. It’s not easy to carry the weight of memories, the volume of secrets, the regrets & sorrows, it acts like the poison & the good potion, haunts in dreams, plays in mind, the untold stories!
At times, I am scared of myself, I fear from my changes, I fear losing feelings & be a hard-hearted person.
The hardest part of living is to have painful thorns inside, blizzard of thoughts, binding to find answers, trying to break the walls , trying to open the doors, locked inside with no keys.
In search of the lost key, at once ,set oneself free, from all the heavy things on my mind. To breathe the fresh air, to unbind from all the secrets of my life.
Every time I share the same secret with a new person, I feel, I am reading my book with a new perception.
Not every one of us holds the dirty secrets. Some innocent ones & Some mischievous ones , Some struggling ones & Some broken ones. Sometimes we put the seeds of the secret in the few closed ones, they don’t let it grow either. That’s the best thing!
But the world is always not so fair , there are evils out there. The calumnies grow our secrets with spices & dung , spread it everywhere , thereby, arises nuisance rumors.
Be careful ,when to open up the secrets and when to lock it up. There are angels & demons seeking for it.
Most of the secrets are our life experiences. You may think you know a lot of secrets about someone ,there will always be something that person will never share with anyone throughout life. Take an interest in someone’s secrets and you will be tangled with him/her for a while or maybe for a longer time. Secrets are usually the interesting chapter of a hidden soul.
I don’t expect appreciations for the efforts I put in to make other’s life better.
A silence would be much encouraging for me to continue my deeds.
But, a hatred towards my efforts,
a zero value to my diligence,
a disrespect to my sacrifices,
and framing my identity as someone else instead of my real identity,
hurts me a lot. Yes, a lot!
It breaks me emotionally, when my people do not recognize my value.
After doing everything for everyone, I have none beside me.
No one speaks about strengths, they speak only the weaknesses.
I lost myself in taking care of everyone. As I stand in front of the mirror, I see my past body saying to me, “You would have stayed beautiful. You would have been better, but you chose to destroy yourself for the ones who don’t realize your worth.”
I have learnt that people I love will not necessarily love me back in the same manner. We cannot expect everyone to have empathy skills. Empathy skills is a rare thing. You cannot expect all to have same good perception. We cannot guarantee finding someone understanding and well communicating.
The person who was once ambitious, hard-worker, and dreamed of doing something great can have an unexpected life. Never giving up soul may resemble a hopelessness. It is as good as living a hidden life that no one knows.
I will never get the time of my life that I let others use it. Back then, they did not realize what they were doing to me. At present, they will continue to use the existence of my time but show to the world that I don’t exist.
I cannot wish to go back in the time-machine and fix everything for myself.
Because life’s reality has kicked me in such a cruel way, that I live with its flow of scribbled paths instead of wishes and dreams.
Not everyone needs to know about everyone’s story.
Not all stories are shared publicly.
Not everyone’s life story is visible to people.
Life throws challenges like a video game. The only difference is you can get another chance to restart the video- game. You cannot get another chance to restart the life game.
Life is short because it is unpredictable. The timings and moments of life is short because we cannot reverse it.
Nothing new in talking about addiction to drinks. We keep talking, reading, and listening to how to overcome the addiction. How do people get addicted to this habit? Do they have a choice to discontinue? What is the Cycle Of Alcoholism?
Any type of Addiction is a habit developed by anyone and anytime. A person having no problems in life can also be seen habituated towards alcoholism. Drinking is part of the celebration and also depression.
We watch love stories movies that show a character gets addicted to alcohol because of heartbreak. One need not have any tragic life stories reason to develop this habit. The common reason can be the way an individual was brought up by the family and friends. The way a person easily gets influenced by the circle of friends/colleagues who drink. People who get influenced by watching movies/series wherein the character/actor drinks to show the high-class attitude or drinks during the crisis period.
If a regular drinker gets affected by depression, then the person eventually starts depending on alcohol. It is common for regular drinkers to use alcohol, in order to, take out the frustration and anger. We hang around with friends and share our stories. We take drinks to overcome our sadness. Yes, drink can cheer you up for the moment. Some of you may go through the drink effects after hours. Once the hangover vanishes, things can come back to routine. Drinking occasionally without being mentally affected or emotionally affected reasons is all right. When you drink every day for a week then stop it, thereby, your self-realization does not make it as a norm. It means you know how to manage things. But, you have to be careful enough to not have an excess during the rough times of life. For this reason, it is advisable to drink once, drink twice but don’t drink third time. Because this will hit your emotions. There is a possibility that you will burst your emotions into tears. You will feel helpless. Sometimes it can strike your anger. You will have no control over your anger. In the absence of anger control, you may harm your loved ones or strangers. You will end up throwing up stuff around you, here and there. Breaking pieces of stuff or hitting others will not solve your issues. It causes you to pay the bills to repair your non-living things. This unmanageable behavior/reaction will take you away from your loved ones which cannot be fixed with money. You may not know what words you use against your loved ones. You will not realize how much you may beat/hurt your family or friends. Sometimes, your unethical behavior can affect strangers too and it may land you up in jail. In the absence of mind, you create damages leading to an imbalanced life.
In order to balance our life, we need to avoid drinking more than twice in a week. Once a person gets addicted, he/she will spend all the money on purchasing drinks. When their mind is completely addicted to it, they will lose the focus on work. There are cases, wherein people have lost their jobs because of this practice. Whether they lose the job or not, they develop a tendency to borrow money from others. All that money is spent into getting drinks for their satisfaction. Even the strongest person will become weak. There is a fear of not falling short of supply of drinks. There is a big smile: once the filled bottle is in hand, and there is the saddest face: once all the bottles are over. The addiction does not stop on drinks. Slowly one develops smoking and taking drugs. Altogether, once a normal person, later can also get shattered. The mind will not have a good quality of thinking ability. Such people do not like anyone restricting their habit. They will start hating the ones who do not support their addiction. Since they do not have a healthy mind, they will not realize the care provided by others. They will have zero realization about the effects of their behavior on others.
Hey drinker: Maybe once you were a good person. But, you may not be perceived in the same way. Because this habit changes the person into a liar. You will keep finding reasons to drink. You will start lying to your beloved ones to borrow the money. You will not enjoy with non-alcoholic friends. In a prolonged time, it will affect health. In case, you have a good habit of balancing your health with other diets, your chances of suffering from health issues can be lower than others. But, effects on mind will remain the same. Meditating every day and drinking every day will not go hand in hand. Meditation is helpful in relaxing hormones and stable the mind with positive thoughts. But, if you consistently drink every day then you cannot expect any benefits from meditation.
The human body is like a plant. If you water the plants and keep it in the relative weather, it will grow in a nice formation. If you add harmful chemicals to the plants along with the water daily, it will die sooner. In a similar manner, we can add a good diet to our diet but adding alcohol to it will harm our mind first and then physical health. We cannot save plants. But, we can save ourselves as early as possible. We can detoxify our body and rejuvenate with a good lifestyle by saying goodbye to alcoholism. At most, we can learn to restrict the number of glasses per week.
Saying is easier than doing it. It is not at all possible to drop the addiction in one go for everyone. Few folks can drop this habit by taking breaks on and off. This is why, we have addiction-free centers. The addiction free helplines provide different methods to get rid of harmful habits. When your family and friends are asking you to take the treatment, then please go for it. Do not sit there and argue with them. They care for you. They want to see you in a better form.
Health and Weather also play roles. We can drink it in winter to warm our body. Drinking in high-temperature summer locations will not be good for everyone. The health issues along with the weather will not be capable of absorbing the effects of alcoholism. Hence, we can take the precaution by checking the weather conditions and our health stability.
People who think drinking, smoking and taking drugs will solve the problems are clear- cut fools. It releases the hormones which will make you feel good for a few minutes or hour. If you consider it as a solution to relax you every day, it will show adverse effects. Remember, anything in excess is never good.
Make the right choice! In the 21st century, depression is not a rare thing. Not every patient is choosing alcohol to overcome their depression. They are changing their lifestyle and following counseling therapy. Do not make wrong choices that will miss out the best things of your life.
Next time you buy bottles, buy paint bottles. You may not know how to paint so just splash the colors on the white paper. You may start developing painting skills. You may start expressing your emotions through painting. Painting is an art that will give you advantages which is better than the loss given by alcohol. Involve yourself in the hobbies or activities to calm down your anger. Keep yourself busy and healthy to stay away from addiction.
Thought for the day:
“Don’t drink and drive. Save yours and other’s life.”
Maya sits in the airport gate after finishing her second Coffee. The flight is delayed by 2 hours. She feels there won’t be many passengers for this gate as the waiting passengers are quite less. There is a guy sitting next to next of her seat. At the end of the row, an old beard man is reading a newspaper.
She moves her eyes here and there observing things while passing the time. She sees a guy beside her is bending down and trying to tie the knot of shoelace often. As she observes more clearly, she realizes he has only one hand. He is unable to tie the knot with one hand.
Maya moves bit forward thinking to help him out. But, she sits back with the thought of maybe the guy won’t accept her help. She understands that he must be knowing how to tie the knot with one hand but right now he is unable to do it. She is aware that not everyone likes to get help. Some may interpret it as sympathy. She waits for a minute. She takes out a plucker from her bag which is kept on the next seat.
Maya: Excuse me! Aruj: Yes. Maya: Please do not take me in the wrong way but this plucker can be useful. (She tries to handover the plucker) Aruj does not accept it. Aruj: I did not get you. What do you mean? Maya: I had been watching, you trying to tie the knot. I would have helped you out but you may not like it. So, here is a plucker. You can just hold the lace and put them inside the shoes from beside. Aruj: hahaaa.. why would I put it inside? Shoelaces are supposed to be a knot. Yes, I can walk on these shoes without the knot but it would look clumsy. Maya: Well, it won’t. You don’t have to follow the standard shoelace knot pattern. Aruj: But, everyone follows the same. Maya: You don’t have to be like everyone. We don’t have to fit into something that is already standardized. We can be just the way we are comfortable in.
Aruj smiles and takes the plucker. He uses it to put the lace inside the shoes and gives the plucker back to her. Maya: You can keep it with you. See, it’s so simple. Why make it complicated right?
Both of them giggle. When Aruj meets Maya, life becomes much simpler.
Things To Remember:
# Not all people like to take help so always ask politely. # Preferably, give them something to do it by themselves. # No one needs to depend on someone for the manageable things unless it is necessary.
I will not sit with you and give you a lecture. I am sure you may not hear half of my words. You will avoid my discussion about smoking. I am not complaining to you to stop smoking. I will never ask you to do that. It is your life, your rules.Do whatever you want! Live the way you love to be. People say smoking is injurious to health. I don’t believe it. Because smoking is just one thing. There are lots of other reasons to count on which affects health. It is believed that smokers die early. I don’t believe that either. As I have seen non-smokers die early too. We often watch some smoking scenes in movies/series, wherein the character who smokes has actually got some strong attitude. We also see small blur statement in the corners, “Cigarette smoking is injurious to health”. Who cares about that statement right? Look at the attitude in the scene; we are already inspired by the scene that smoking gives the appearance of some kick-ass attitude. We even notice some writers saying what keeps them awake is coffee and a pack of cigarettes which refreshes their mind to come up with stories to be written on.
I met a girl today. She is 15 and already smoking a pack per day. She told me that she is looking forward to having a singing career. Anyone of us could predict she may not achieve her dream. Because smoking affects voice quality. It gives you a nasty voice. Someone told her that few singers do smoke. But that someone agreed to our discussion that people use machines to give good quality for the recorded voice. You know you can be popular with machine quality voice, but recording a natural voice song is much blessing. They say it is difficult to give birth to a child when a couple or one of them smokes a lot. I don’t believe it completely. Although most couples go through the same situation, I have seen some people have well-born children.
Honey, you are in your late teens and underdeveloped society or some friends around you may call you as a bad girl. Every time you smoke, all of them might give you a hatred look. You may have friends to hang out and all of you are probably enjoying having weeds together. It’s all fun until you cross the limit. I am not stopping you from smoking my sweetheart. There is something more to smoking and drinking.
Death is not the scariest thing. The worst thing is to lose your mind and self -respect. Smoking leads to losing a good memory and patience at the earliest for many people. It plays with your emotions. It is possible for some smart people to lose their common sense too. They may talk a lot about the things that do not make sense. They lose interest in jobs or life and are always under stress. They can not find happiness apart from drinks & puff. You may think that you love your boyfriend a lot today and you will not love a pack of cigars more than him. I can bet you, dear, that yes, smoking is an addiction. Once you get trapped in addiction, no love is greater than smoking for the majority of smokers. You will start looking for money every time to buy more packs and drinks. Travelling is the most fun for lots of people out there. But for smokers, they will be happy; if you just give them a pack. But they will not be happy if kept away from smoking. The mind gets used to it. It never gives you peace of mind. And one fine day you are lost, totally lost and no one can help you out. I wrote this earlier, ‘It plays with your emotions.’. It will affect your temper badly. You do see warning everywhere and some pictures of how physically it affects the body. When your friends grow up and you all get separated ,you may not find the same kind of people again. If you ever get affected physically then do not feel shy to go in public or suffer the physical pain because despite warnings you have chosen to live like this. When you cross the limit of smoking ,stress and anger will be your only 2 best friends forever. Smokers and non smokers can have same type of diseases. But,prolong smoking can change the person’s mental peace in the long term. I don’t want to put you in a cage and impose my principles to you.You are set free to choose a better life or astray. Rest I will be always there for you but I can not assure of your mind status.Society might call me as a bad parent for not restricting you from smoking. The choice is all yours 🙂 to live a better life or not .
#Fictional Letter Note: This is a fiction letter written on the basis of the people who lost their good life, smartness, and people because of a smoking habit. Smoking is not good for all the genders. The polluted air of smoking affects children, old age people and low immune people at a fast pace. If you don’t want to save your life, please save other innocents 🙂 Here, the letter was specifically written for the daughter.